I’m sitting in a cafe that specializes in cupcakes, but I’m having burgers with Laurie and Iris in a few minutes, so right now I’m drinking a cup of tea and just thinking about sweets.

Like pretty much every other kid in the world, Iris enjoys sweets of all kinds. She likes sticky buns, cookies (except very crunchy ones), donuts, and cupcakes. Her eyes glaze over in anticipation when she hears me mixing up a chocolate malt. And once I let her eat some of a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup, but I think that may have been going too far.

Earlier today, Iris was reading the Martha Stewart Holiday Cookies magazine again. She now has favorite pages in it, like the one with the giant madeleine and the chocolate-chip cookie closeup. But the part she likes best is the table of contents, which has photos of all the cookies. She likes this part because she understands that contained within the magazine are instructions for making *every single one of these cookies.* I think maybe she’s expecting us to make them all. Before Christmas.

Don’t get the idea that I’m stuffing Iris’s face with pie 24 hours a day. At the same time, I’m not trying to keep her away from sweets. I enjoy something sweet on a daily basis, and as long as she is eating well otherwise, I see no reason she shouldn’t do the same. To do otherwise wouldn’t be fair, and would definitely backfire. In fact, I feel weird about depriving Iris of anything I enjoy eating, except for things like beer and, for that matter, beer nuts.

Beyond the fact that chocolate malts are delicious (especially if you know the secret, which is to use way more malt powder than looks right; 1/4 cup per serving isn’t overkill), I like the effect that sweets have on our relationship. Getting along with a toddler isn’t always easy, but you can always say, “Hey, let’s take a step back and have a cookie,” and things will usually look better after that to both of us. Cookies, however crumbly, are the unshakable common ground between child and adult.

I’m not talking about using sweets as a bribe or punishment, which I think is obnoxious and probably an early stop on the freight train to Eating Disorder Island. I hope I never hear myself saying to Iris, “If you behave on the bus, we can get a donut.” Anyway, it’s cute when Iris tries to climb the bus pole and compliments other passengers on their shoes.

Ah, I see Laurie and Iris coming up the street. Good timing, because a few more minutes on this topic and I would have made a reference to Proust and his madeleine, which is grounds for ejection from the Association of Food Journalists.