I’m still in Portland, and this morning’s Sunday Oregonian had a section about bloggers and the mainstream media. It made me realize that this blog is perhaps too frivolous, so I’m taking this moment to comment on a news event occurring on the TV right in front of me: Food Network personality Sandra Lee is currently hosting a Semi-Homemade Holiday special.
This is the first time I’ve seen Sandra Lee’s show; until now, everything I knew about her came from food discussion sites like [eGullet][], where she is almost universally abhorred. So far on this show, she’s made pepper-crusted prime rib, a dinner roll wreath, some white hot “chocolate” made with Starbucks liqueur and crushed peppermint candy, and some kind of cheese dip. Really, the food isn’t as bad as I’d expected, although I think she just dolloped some Cool Whip onto the drinks. The decor is terrifying: everything in Lee’s kitchen matches her red dress. I’m not sure if Kitchenaid knew the hell they were unleashing when they started making their appliances in designer colors.
[eGullet]: http://forums.egullet.org/
But the most shocking aspect of the Sandra Lee show, one I’ve never heard mentioned, is her neck. It is the longest neck on the Food Network. It is probably the longest neck on any network, with the exception of National Geographic specials featuring those women who extend their necks with metal rings. Sandra Lee seems quite tall, but I think if you subtracted the neck, she’d be a Little Person.
Now (this story is continuing to unfold) she is making Hanukkah cookies. “I love Hanukkah!” Lee enthused, and I know how she feels, because I love Eid, Lughnasadh, and Diwali. Lee has glued two meringue cookies together with frosting and is painting them with blue food coloring. She says they look like little dreidels, but to me they look like onion domes. Thanks for the Hanukkah gift, Sandra Lee! It reminds me of the country my ancestors had to flee due to religious persecution.
Later I watched a Food Network holiday special that brought together many of their most popular hosts, including Sandra Lee, Rachael Ray, Emeril, Michael Chiarello, and Paula Deen. It would show them cooking together in the kitchen, then cut away to the same person, superimposed on a white screen, talking about what an honor it is to be in such august company.
Clearly they missed the opportunity for an awesome hour of television. What if the white-screen portions had given the hosts the chance to say what they *really* thought of each other? You know, like:
> **Sandra Lee:** Here, taste this.
> **Michael Chiarello:** Mmm, that is delicious.
> (cutaway)
> **Chiarello**, on whitescreen: Oh my god, that dip? Christmas is ruined for me forever. And did you see her neck?
you tease us, and yet you don’t give us the recipe for pepper-crusted peppermint Starbucks “cocoa(TM)” dip? I cry.
Stacy, it is so simple!
Take a standing rib roast of beef, slather it in melted white chocolate, and roll it in crushed candy canes. Place it in the microwave, close the door, and flee your house, never to return.
I agree with everything you said about Sandra Lee. But, still, there’s something about her figure….
Gooness! I have never seen a person so vilified with nasty catty remarks since Martha Stewart. My family and friends enjoy Sandra’s show and were shocked to learn that so many people appear offended by her niceness, attraction to using themes, and looking pretty. Perhaps people fear stereo typing a woman who is in a kitchen actually having fun. We love her decorative ideas, and though we replace some of her pre-packaged and canned ingredients for fresh, we still enjoy her creative themes, her good relationship with her nieces and nephews, and her up beat approach. We even record the show each day! Perhaps the people who are bashing Sandra have NEVER used canned foods and think people who fail to use four letter words are wierd sweet fakes. Too bad. It would be nice if everyone allowed people to be unique and different from their own box. We love Sandra Lee!
Burma, I’m not offended by Sandra Lee, and I’m sure she swears like a pirate truck driver when the cameras stop rolling.
I’ve only seen Lee’s show that one time, and like I said, the food was better than I’d been led to believe. That said, if you’re the person on the Food Network who is known for using Cool Whip, you’d better have a thick skin, and I’m sure she does. Especially the skin of the neck.
sandra lee is horrible. the manager of the store where i work (great big fred meyer in portland, fortunately won’t be there much longer) looks and acts exactly like her, down to using the same repeating and accenting of overly positive words. eugh.
i try to watch food network if the tv must beturned on when i’m on break, but if she’s on it’s off instantly.
i don’t know what it is, she seems so fake. all the other chefs seem so much more sincere and less ruminant.
I’m sorry to say this, but I would love to get drunk with Sandra Lee. It’d be fun!