Would I have missed the new show Top Chef? I would not.

Despite obviously coming from the same factory that stamps out every other reality show, Top Chef rules. The premise, which you could probably figure out yourself just from the title of the show, is that they assemble a bunch of chefs and chef-wannabes and put them through various trials by fire. The hosts are Tom Colicchio of NYC’s Craft restaurant, and a couple of attractive women, one of whom is a food writer and the other Billy Joel’s wife, but they look like twins, so I have no idea which is which.

As on any of these shows, there was a villain, in the form of Ken Lee, from Dublin, who got himself ejected from the first challenge for tasting sauces with his finger. Unfortunately, he was the one sent home at the end of the show. This is nuts. It would be like killing off Alan Rickman at the beginning of _Die Hard_. At least they kept Andrea, the health-food chef, whose “signature dish” was a pile of vegetables, including steamed kale. There is no such thing as steamed kale, any more than there’s such a thing as raw pasta salad.

My personal favorite is Lee Anne Wong, who is poised to kick ass. And this is even before I learned from the web site that “her passion is pork, and she can do anything with a pig.” I’m not sure I would have said it that way, but I admire the sentiment.

Anyway, this is not just a TV review. I’m here to offer you a clever idea for your next dinner party. The idea came to me when I was watching the lovably foulmouthed Cynthia, who at one point said, “Who stole my fucking pomegranate?” This is not something you’ll hear on any other show. Later, when it came time to present her signature dish, she said, “It’s not finished. Someone stole my pomegranate, or I lost my pomegranate, or something.”

So here’s what you do, in honor of Cynthia. Invite some friends over for dinner. When you serve the food, explain that it would be much better, but *someone* stole your white truffles, your foie gras, and your fennel pollen. As you say this, look around accusingly. This should make your party much more exciting, and if the food’s no good, your friends will blame each other instead of you.

I bounced this idea off some people, and my friend Lucian said, “I’d be happy to come over and steal some stuff from your fridge if it would help.”

The first episode of Top Chef is available free on iTunes.