Laurie is out of town this weekend, so I am in charge of Iris. I just put her to bed and am enjoying a very adult nightcap of madeira with pirate-themed M&Ms.
Luckily, I didn’t have to go it alone today. I had some new magazines to guide me. Just in case you thought I was being too hard on the parenting mags, I present to you every single headline from the covers of the June issues of Parents and Parenting:
* Outwit your toddler! How to regain control
* Your baby’s amazing senses: What they teach her about life, and love
* Got 3 minutes? Get in shape!
* Baffling dad behavior, explained
* “Where do babies come from?” Smart answers to tough questions
* Summer safety: Best ways to protect your child
* 36 fun ways to get kids to cooperate
* Sun scare: Protect your child from skin cancer
* Tame toddler tantrums overnight
* Raise a polite kid: An age-by-age manners guide
* Real mom secrets to losing the baby weight, earning $$$ at home, finding time for friends
* Plus: Playdates! Picnics! Playhouses!
To be fair, I did learn a couple of things. First of all, where babies come from. WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THIS BEFORE? Second, I now understand some of my baffling behavior. Although they didn’t explain why Dad thinks madeira goes well with M&Ms.
I read Parenting, too – and I am always a little irritated about some of the articles that show up. katre hates it even more that Dads are nonexistant or worthless in the magazine. There was an article recently about how to convince the Dad to go to the child’s pediatrician, which annoyed katre to no end.
I’ve often felt they should rename it from “Parenting” to “The Magazine For Moms Who Married Deadbeats”
Oh, I can totally beat that. I remember one about the dad who wouldn’t change diapers, because he thought it was gross. And his wife was, like, totally okay with that! Because, like, he helps out in so many other ways!
Wait a minute – “pirate-themed M&Ms”?
Yeah, Neil, there are three new M&M styles–only in large bags, I think. The ones I bought are called, uh, Jack’s Gems. They’re plain M&Ms with skulls and stuff printed on them. There are also Pirate Pearls, which are white chocolate (not really interested) and a Peanut M&M version.
Oh, and Jack’s Gems are best enjoyed with Rare Wine Co’s Boston Bual madeira.
Oh, for the days when children’s books casually mentioned fine liquor! I first learned of madeira in The Borrowers. Hmm, lots of good eating in that book; have you read it? The Clock family eats fairly wholesome, plain things, because they lived under the kitchen; but those Harpsichords and drawing room Borrowers…
Oh, I loved the Borrowers!
By the way, if you like madeira you owe it to yourself to try it with Trader Joe’s English cheddar with caramelized onions. The perfect late night snack.
I’ve got to look for the pirate M&Ms. Isn’t National Talk Like a Pirate Day coming up? Arrrrrgh.
Which M&M’s to go with Malmsey, regular peanut (best candy EVER)?
Neil, I knew there was a good reason I liked you! I thought only Paul celebrated Talk Like a Pirate Day!