Wouldn’t it have been funny to post nothing for four days and then put up a one-liner that read, “THE LOBSTERS, DEAR GOD, SAVE ME FROM THE LOBSTERS”? Possibly with a photo of a lobster photoshopped onto my face.

So here’s how it turned out.

When we got to USP, all of the lobsters in the tank were already sold except for one. I didn’t realize you could put lobsters on hold like new releases at the video store. The late fees must be outrageous. Iris shrank back when the guy took the lobster out of the tank.

I’d already invited my parents over to partake of lobster chowder, but one lobster is not enough to make chowder for four. What to do? While deciding, I boiled up the lobster. This was a snap. The lobster did not, as I’d been warned, try to climb out of the pot. I parboiled it for four minutes, as Jasper instructed, and put it on a plate to cool. Then I slipped off the rubber bands from the claws and gave one to Iris. For the rest of the day she was asking, “Who was wearing that rubber band?” and “Why did the lobster not pinch Dada?”

Along with our hot dogs for lunch, we ate the meat out of the lobster legs. Iris loved this. We pushed the meat out with toothpicks and sucked it out as through a straw.

Here’s how I expected this to go down. I figured Iris would be curious about the lobster but would probably decline to actually eat any. This is how she (and almost everyone else her age, along with plenty of adults) approaches new foods in general, especially meats and vegetables.

This is not how Iris approached the lobster. She would have eaten the whole bowl of diced lobster meat if I’d let her. Lobsters are not high art: nobody has to explain to you how to enjoy them. How to crack them open, sure, although that part wasn’t so hard either.

While Iris was examining the lobster legs for any remaining molecules of meat, Laurie pulled down Home Cooking from the bookshelf and began to read.

> Eating habits change, often for the better, with the acquisition of a child.

I raised a lobster leg in agreement.

> We became a fish-eating family when our daughter began to eat solid food and developed a craving for such expensive things as salmon and sole. It is amazing how much salmon a child three or under can pack away.

So, how to stretch one small lobster to serve five, including a child three or under? I went with two courses of chowder, followed by chocolate cream pie.

I used the lobster carcass to make about a cup and a half of rich lobster stock and made the lobster chowder for a first course. We each got a little bowl. Iris pulled all of the lobster chunks out of hers and ate them first. She paused only to hold up the meat from the small part of the claw and ask, “What is that?” before popping it into her mouth. The lobster chowder with its coral-colored broth was very good, and I would certainly make it again, especially if I can figure out how to invite people over and charge them.

But I liked the second chowder even better. It was Jasper’s Southwestern corn chowder, it was one of the best things I’ve ever made, and I’m going to include the recipe and encourage you to make it as soon as possible.

If you prefer lobster chowder, grab your copy of 50 Chowders and reserve your lobsters now. Or just PayPal me.

**SOUTHWESTERN CORN CHOWDER**
Adapted from _50 Chowders_
Serves about 6 adults

Like all chowders, this is best made at least an hour and up to a couple of days ahead, which makes it exceedingly simple to make for company.

3 ears yellow corn (see note)
4 ounces slab bacon, cut into 1/3-inch dice (see note)
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2 pound yellow onion, cut into half-inch dice
1/2 teaspoon minced fresh thyme
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/8 teaspoon turmeric
1 pound Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and cut into half-inch dice
3 cups chicken stock
salt and pepper
1 large poblano chile, roasted, peeled, cored, and diced
2 teaspoons cornstarch, dissolved in a little water
1 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons minced cilantro
scallions and cilantro for garnish

1. Husk the corn and cut the niblets from the cob. Milk the corn by running the dull edge of a chef’s knife down the cobs and pressing out the juice. Add this to the bowl with the niblets.

2. In a large, heavy saucepan, cook the bacon over medium-low heat until crisp and golden brown. Pour off most of the fat, leaving 1 tablespoon of fat and the bacon in the pan.

3. Add the butter and raise the heat to medium. Add the onion, thyme, cumin, and turmeric, and cook a few minutes, until the onion is translucent but not browned.

4. Add the corn, potatoes, and chicken stock. Turn the heat to high, cover the pot, and boil for ten minutes. Using a wooden spoon, smash a couple of the potato chunks against the side of the pot to release starch and help thicken the broth. Season with salt and pepper.

5. Add the cornstarch slurry and poblano and bring back to a boil. Remove from the heat and stir in the cream and cilantro. If you’re serving the chowder within an hour, cover the pot, let it sit, and reheat over low heat if necessary. Or let the chowder cool to room temperature uncovered, then refrigerate.

6. Serve in big bowls, garnished with cilantro and scallions.

NOTES:

I think I used more corn than the recipe called for. This was not a problem.

I didn’t have time to go downtown for slab bacon, so I rummaged around the fridge and came up with a mix of Nueske’s and unsmoked bacon from Oyama Sausage. This was not a problem either. Oyama has a new web site which is a Flash abomination, but they do have their product list in PDF right here. If you’ve never been to Oyama, you’re probably skeptical that they actually make all of these things. In fact, to use the most inappropriate analogy possible, if you’re a cured meat fan, going to Oyama is like making a pilgrimage to Mecca, only better, because in Mecca you don’t get to actually talk to Mohammed about how he makes his product.