I’m weighing in on this beyond the statute of limitations, but I assume everyone saw the internal memo from Howard Schultz, Starbucks CEO, that was leaked to the media last week. First of all, for a good laugh, look at the comments from all the people saying, “There’s no way this could be real.”

To me, it sounds like Schultz wrote this memo on his laptop at Victrola. I am waiting for his next memo, written after he pulls out of the drive-through at McDonald’s, suggesting that Starbucks should sell fries. Actually, it would be awesome if Starbucks sold fries. I still don’t understand why they sell Starbucks brand ice cream at supermarkets but don’t sell milkshakes at Starbucks. I would like to form a personal connection with that milkshake. I would like to see baristas scooping and blending with all their hearts.