So, I know you read the New York Times article, 6 Food Mistakes Parents Make. Whenever I read an article like this, I think, “Hey, I should comment on this article.” Then I think, “Wait, why does anyone care what I think about this article?” Then I think, “Hey, I have a blog. Posting my opinion, asked for or not, is what it’s all about.” By that time several days have gone by and it’s too late. What is the opposite of intrepid reporting?
But last night Laurie had an insight about this part of the article:
> **Giving up too soon.** Ms. Worobey said she has often heard parents say, “My kid would never eat that.†While it may be true right now, she noted that eating preferences often change. So parents should keep preparing a variety of healthful foods and putting them on the table, even if a child refuses to take a bite. In young children, it may take 10 or more attempts over several months to introduce a food.
I’ve criticized this advice before on the basis that it doesn’t work: you can’t mold your children’s tastes, and I’ve served Brussels sprouts dozens and dozens of times (and will again tonight) and Iris just doesn’t like them. Which is fine.
That’s not the problem, though. The problem is, *it doesn’t make any sense.* I don’t serve Brussels sprouts regularly because I want to make Iris like them. I serve them because Laurie and I like them. “Don’t give up too soon,” says the article, but what does “giving up” mean? Not serving Brussels sprouts any more? Serving them but telling Iris she can’t have any?
“They should just say, ‘Serve food you like,'” said Laurie. I agree.
The deal at our household is that if we fix food that Ellric won’t eat, we have to also fix food that he will eat, or else he will go hungry and we will feel like bad parents and the hounds of Tindalos will come after us. So it’s sometimes easier to just fix food we know he’ll eat than to fix another dish just so he can eat it. We’re doing good to have a main course and a vegetable as it is. Hence ‘giving up’.
The other option is to just say “Well, that’s what we’re having,” but again, we don’t want to do that all the time–he’s a pretty good sport about trying things even multiple times, and we don’t want to just torture the kid.
Lucian, I hear you, but is there a dearth of options that everyone in the family likes? Or likes part of? Like, I’ll frequently make stir-fried meat with vegetables, knowing that Iris will eat the protein and rice and ignore the vegetables. Tonight I’m making steak, sauteed mushrooms, roasted potatoes, and Brussels sprouts. Iris will eat steak and probably potatoes.
I realize some kids are much pickier than Iris and won’t eat chicken that has been near vegetables or will only eat plain pasta at dinner or whatever. I think that’s still something you can work with, but I can’t speak from personal experience.
whatever you’ve doing, it has to be better than the “eat this despite your gag reflex, or else sit at the table silently weeping all night” thing my parents did. my relationship with food is STILL fucked up, and i’m 30 now.
Hmm, no, I just meant that left unchecked, we’re a bit more likely to only serve food that all of us like, and even if someone likes brussel spouts, we won’t fix them because that means having to fix brussel sprouts plus some other vegetable, which is more work. So, yes, giving up is not serving brussel sprouts any more.
Omg Michelle, I can so relate – only for me it was usually breakfast, and it was a gelatinous cream-of-wheat with powdered milk that I couldn’t get down before it got cold and even ickier; or not fully cooked poached eggs…gugh I still have trouble with breakfast! Mamster, serve what you like, eat what you like, and keep letting Iris try all sorts of things and enjoy what she knows she likes. I love that you involve her in the whole process so naturally.
queltica, I don’t intend to change a thing.
Lucian, the fact that Iris doesn’t like any vegetables makes dinner easier for me: I make whatever vegetables I want. If she suddenly decides she wants to try some, fine. If not, more for me.
Matt – I agree with you completely. Drake’s tastes seem to change daily, and there is no way to predict it. I think this is even worse with young kids. If, as parents, we eat a varied diet, and expose Drake to whatever we are eating, I see his likes and dislikes that day, I think we are doing a good job.
We normally try him a few different things, but as a side-line as such, or even as snacks.
Drake and vegetables.. he will only eat green beans. I have tricked him with brocolli once. I don’t agree that adding fat to it will make it more appealing to kids – it makes it more appealing to me, but it seems like with young kids it is more a visual thing – Drake decides he doesn’t like something before it has even touched his lips.
I started to get paranoid about the food we were feeding Drake – that I should really try and get him to eat a bunch of different things. Fuck that, at the end of the day. It was stressing him out, and me out. Now, if he tries something new, GREAT.. if he doesn’t – no biggie. He eats a decent range of food, and none of it is junk.
I think this is an important distinction – why cater to some picky two-year-old meatloaf when you can just make & enjoy food you love? For parents, I think demonstrating a love of food and food preparation is more important than a heavy-handed cultivation of tyke preferences.
I am sure we are in agreement here, just looking at things differently. There is so much to be said about the ways parents foster a love of food in their children. I work and talk to moms about food and over and over I hear how they do “give up”, which means that they don’t serve what they love to their children and frequently serve their children separate meals. I also find that many parents with so-called “picky” children are somewhat limited as to what they themselves consider eating.
There are so many factors involved here but of course it does boil down to what your wife says. Serve food you love.
It is pretty much my motto as well:
http://www.izzyeats.com/2007/08/eat-what-you-loveand-your-children-will.html
izzy’s mama, I’d definitely agree that serving separate meals counts as “giving up,” but that doesn’t seem to be what’s implied in the advice about serving something 15 times. It’s more like “serve Brussels sprouts at least 15 times before you give up and stop serving Brussels sprouts.” If you don’t like Brussels sprouts, why were you serving them ever, and if you do like them, why would you stop?
Matt: Perhaps the advice is directed towards people who do serve their children separately. It is actually more pervasive than you might imagine. So many families do not sit down to eat meals together.
Weird.
Catching up on your blog finally… It is strange how the kids’ preferences change. My boys suddenly won’t eat tofu anymore. The eldest never liked eggs. At least they love spicy kimchi, spicy shredded daikon, and most everything. Bibimbop & pasta sauces are great ways to get them to eat veggies. Looking forward to your new book!