Iris got the Green Eggs and Ham Cookbook for her birthday and zoomed right in on a recipe called Jed’s Bed of Shrimp. This consists of half a pineapple topped with an imaginary creature and an enormous pile of fried coconut-breaded shrimp.

I asked if we could dispense with the Jed and the pineapple. Iris agreed. I got a bag of unsweetened shredded coconut and a bag of shrimp and went to work. It was okay. If you, like me, are not a fan of the sweet coconut shrimp as served at Red Lobster and elsewhere, substituting unsweetened coconut will not convince you. Iris wasn’t terribly impressed either.

“Why don’t we try it again with panko?” I asked, sounding just like a guy with half of pound of shrimp in the freezer. (This should be a metaphor for something.)

“Okay!” said Iris.

So I did it again, still omitting the pineapple, and this time doing a standard three-part breading of flour, egg, and panko. Iris ate fifteen shrimp. They were 51-60s, but still, whatever you do, don’t tell her about all-you-can-eat fried shrimp at Sizzler.