Okay, bad title, plus this post is entirely self-aggrandizing. This has never stopped me before. It also has an uplifting message and is about an event that you can’t go to because it’s over and you probably weren’t invited.

Still with me? Of course you are! The other day Laurie and I went to a meat party thrown by Matt and Danika Wright of the blog Wrightfood. All of the food was delicious, especially the 18-pound slow-roasted pork shoulder, which was carved by yours truly. Read Matt’s blog–there’s a photo to prove it.

What’s that? You didn’t know I could carve a roast, like a real man? You’re right: I can’t. Until the other night I had never carved anything more challenging than a boneless pork loin in my life. But Matt put the roast on the table and said, “You’ve all had enough wine, I’m just going to let someone dig in here.” I found myself on my feet. (I had had enough wine.)

It went fine. The pork was so tender that I was basically pulling off chunks with a knife and dripping bits on the tablecloth. As I carved, I remembered a story that I used to tell my biology TAs. Not a good story, but relevant nonetheless.

For a couple of quarters I was a teaching associate at the University of Washington. This meant I supervised the TAs, demonstrated the labs for them, gave them pep talks, leaned against the walls of their classrooms twirling my mustachios in a threatening manner, and so on.

Before reporting to my first day of work at the teaching job, I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. “Are you a pharmacist?”

“Huh?” I replied.

“Your shirt.” I was wearing a [Ted Leo and the Pharmacists](http://tedleo.com/) shirt with a vaguely pharmacological symbol on it.

Later I met my TAs, many of whom were concerned that, as undergrads teaching undergrads, they wouldn’t be taken seriously by their students. I told the pharmacist story and said that if wearing a shirt can make an actual pharmacist believe I’m a pharmacist, they are going to have no problem.

To sum up, next time I hear, “Does anybody here know how to fly a plane?” that’s gonna be me, flying your plane!

Today on Gourmet:

Eight great teahouses in the Pacific Northwest

> Ever been lured off-menu at a tea shop? I have. “Are you into Japanese teas?” asked the guy at Tea Zone when I ordered a pot of sencha. Reaching below the counter, he produced a deep-steamed green tea from Kagoshima, Japan, that cost me an extra buck and produced an incomparably green cup.

Iris and I were playing our current favorite video game, Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People and came to a part in Episode 3 (Baddest of the Bands) involving a song about a fondue pot.

“What is fondue?” asked Iris.

I explained that you melt some cheese and dip stuff in it.

“We should make fondue,” said Iris.

“There’s also chocolate fondue,” I added.

“We should make fondue TONIGHT.”

We didn’t actually make fondue that night, but we did so promptly. I was concerned about the cost of multiple cheeses and kirsch, so I was delighted when Laurie brought home Trader Joe’s fondue in a foil packet. Just melt and serve. Since I’ve never made homemade fondue and have rarely eaten fondue, I had nothing to compare it with, and I thought it was great. I didn’t think Iris would like it, though, since it was extremely cheesy and a little boozy.

Oh, but she did. We dipped roasted carrots, boiled fingerling potatoes, cubes of ham, and baguette chunks, and the fondue was fabulous. The scene looked exactly like on this website: magically floating fondue pots surrounded by a grinning, ethnically diverse crowd. Actually it was just the three of us, and we didn’t have a fondue pot, just a Pyrex bowl over a tealight. It worked fine.

Yes, I also made chocolate fondue. Nothing could be simpler: it’s just melted ganache. There was, oddly, some left over, which we ate on ice cream over the next few days.

We’re going to do fondue night again soon. What are your favorite dipping items? And should I make my own or stick with Joe’s?

Yesterday I stopped for lunch at Samurai Noodle, a ramen place near Uwajimaya. I was going to order my usual tonkotsu ramen (pork broth) until I noticed that they’d added miso ramen since my last visit.

Miso is my favorite ramen at my favorite ramen shop, Kintaro in Vancouver, so I went for it. Good move. The miso broth was cloudy, salty, and porky. Floating atop the noodles were corn kernels, bean sprouts, roast pork, and a slice of _kamaboko_ (fish cake). As usual, I took a tour with my chopsticks, nibbling a niblet, a bite of pork, and then the fishcake, which lacked the usual hot pink border.

I took a bite of the fish cake and my teeth sank into it in slow motion, which is when I realized that it was not a fishcake but a pat of butter. The person next to me saw this and laughed.

If you try the miso ramen, do not be like me.

This month on Culinate:

[Wok this way: How to stir-fry](http://www.culinate.com/columns/bacon/how_to_stir-fry)

> Use a wok, right? Well, if you have an indoor wok burner or an outdoor contraption, yes. Otherwise, a frying pan is better. (If you do have an indoor wok burner, I am jealous and don’t want to hear about it. If you have one of those faucets directly above the stove, can I move in with you?)