Author Archives: mamster

Trivia

Two items of note. First, this site should now be iPhone/iPod Touch friendly. If you have one of these lovely beasts, please let me know if it works. Second, there is now a Hungry Monkey site:

[hungrymonkeybook.com](http://hungrymonkeybook.com/)

It’s on the lean side, but more will be coming soon.

My chili is spoiling…for a fight!

It’s the kind of Seattle winter weather that makes us put on parkas and tire chains in order to entertain scoffing midwesterners. When Iris and I headed out this morning it was 23 degrees. To make myself feel better I checked the weather in Minneapolis, where it was -1.

So stew is the meal of the week, and last night I made one so good I took a picture of it. As you know, my dinner is notoriously camera shy, but check this out:

Pork stew with greens and beans

Here’s how it came together. It was a bit of a fridge-cleanout recipe, so substitute whatever you have on hand.

Toast, seed, and grind a dozen guajillo chiles. Stir in salt, minced garlic, and enough water to form a paste. Brown 2 pounds boneless pork shoulder, cubed. Remove the meat and set aside. Add diced onion and celery to the pan and cook until browned and softened. Add the chile powder mixture and cook a couple minutes. Add 2 cups chicken stock, 1/2 cup tomato juice, and the juice of half a lime. Simmer until pork is tender; adjust seasonings with salt and pepper. Meanwhile, saute some baby bok choy (or whatever greens are handy). Garnish the stew with the bok choy, some pinto beans (we had homemade in the freezer but canned would be fine), and scallions. Serve with lime wedges and hot sauce.

While the stew simmered, I thought about Anita and Cameron Crotty of Married with Dinner and their chili recipe. You know I don’t make a habit of criticizing other people’s recipes, but with chili it’s almost required. I mean, Mother Teresa used to go off on the most profane rants about the Dalai Lama’s chili (“yak shit” was the kindest term she used), and the Lama threw it right back.

Anyway, you’ll notice that the Crotty chili contains only 1 tablespoon of chile powder in the whole pot. It has as much *cinnamon* as chili. And it contains no cumin. A person who would put chile powder into a pot without ground cumin would send their kids to school on a 23-degree day without pants.

That’s the rant I was working on when I realized that I hadn’t put any cumin into my stew. Or chili. Or whatever. Which means there’s a significant chance that the Crotty chili is awesome. But you won’t hear me admit it.

Dear Martha

In the December issue of Martha Stewart Living, you published a feature by Steve Almond of Candyfreak fame. Almond, who has also written in great detail about his sexual hangups and about Condoleezza Rice, writes:

> Among the countless things that can evoke nostalgia, two tower above the rest: Christmas and candy. The mere mention of either instantly conjures memories of the innocent pleasures of childhood. Combine the two and you have a recipe for old-fashioned bliss. Made by hand and decked out in handsome, easy-to-craft gift packaging that also calls to mind holidays of yesteryear, these retro confections may taste even better than you recommended.

Martha, I can totally write this kind of stuff too, and unlike Steve, I won’t embarrass your corporate empire by publishing collections of dirty short stories. Everything I write is totally safe for work. That’s all I’m saying.

Sincerely,

Matthew Amster-Burton
Seattle

P.S.: Steve, if you’re reading this, I demand to see a piece of easy-to-craft gift packaging that you, personally, crafted.