Category Archives: Funny Iris quote

Bandito de puerco

Yesterday Iris invented a new game called “I’m takin’ your bacon.” The idea is that I hold some imaginary bacon and walk down the hall, and she sneaks up behind me and snatches it.

Today, as always, we were playing with the kitty dollhouse and the pirate ship, and Iris said, “I know! We’re playing I’m takin’ your bacon, level two: I’m divin’ your bacon underwater.”

Malt-o-meal

Iris planted herself behind the end of the couch with a pad of paper and announced that we were playing a game where she worked at a restaurant and we should order things.

> **Iris:** We’ve got beef, burgers, jalapeños, mustard, pork, onions, onion rings, and burgers.

> **Me:** I’d like a burger with jalapeños and some onion rings. Do you have HP sauce?

> **Iris:** Oh yeah, we have that.

> **Me:** Then I’d like some HP sauce on my burger. Do you have chocolate malts?

> **Iris:** Yes. I’m making many squiggles for many chocolate malts because I know you love them. You won’t get a tummyache.

Free sample

Like everyone else, Iris loves free samples. She also loves the term “free samples.” The other night I tried to give her a kiss at bedtime and she said, “No free samples!”

They often have free samples at the meat department at QFC around lunchtime, whatever’s on sale this week. Iris will try *anything* they’re sampling. I am thinking of slipping them a twenty to offer things I want to make at home, or possibly decorating our dining room to look more like QFC.

A couple days ago it was sirloin steak, seasoned with lemon pepper, $5 a pound. Iris demanded some, and then she said, “I need another sample, because I love it.”

I asked her if she’d like steak for dinner, and she agreed. I like steak, but I like it best as an ingredient rather than the main event. Unless I’m getting a serious grass-fed or dry-aged (or both) steak, I’d take chipotle rubbed steak tacos or Thai beef salad over a big hunk of meat any day.

So I turned to a Cook’s Illustrated recipe I’d long been eyeing: Tuscan-style steak with arugula and parmesan. It’s a steak salad, and it couldn’t be simpler. While the steak cooks, you make a vinaigrette with olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, S&P, and fresh herbs (I used thyme). Make some Parmigiano curls with a potato peeler and line dinner plates with a big handful of arugula. After the steak has rested, slice it, distribute the slices atop the arugula, and top with the dressing, cheese, and any accumulated meat juices from the resting of the steak.

Iris, of course, only wanted to cram as many bites of steak into her mouth as possible. In any case, this one is going into permanent rotation. Now, if QFC would feature free samples of sauteed fennel and radicchio, we’d be all set.

A conversation in the afternoon

Two of Iris’s Christmas/birthday presents (I’ve already completely forgotten which were which, as has she) were a doctor kit (the classic Fisher-Price) from my grandparents and a pirate ship from Laurie’s parents. The pirate ship is awesome. Iris and I named the pirates Salty Sam, Keelhaulin’ Katie, and Pegleg Petunia. Lately, ever since Iris got her 3-year-old checkup this week, the pirates tend to hang out in the waiting room until Iris calls, “SALTY SAM, NEXT APPOINTMENT!”

Yesterday Iris asked me to give Salty Sam his checkup, and it went like this:

> **Me:** Hmm, Salty Sam, you’ve got a fever. It could be scurvy.

> **Iris:** No, it’s cookies.

> **Me:** He got a fever from cookies?

> **Iris:** Yes.

> **Me:** What kind of crazy witch doctor are you?

> **Iris:** I’m just telling you the facts. (pause) Wait, it’s not cookies. It’s chocolate.