Iris invented a new game. (Note that “Chubs” is one of my many nicknames for Iris, although she hasn’t actually been chubby for over eighteen months.) The game started with Iris flinging herself onto my bed and saying, “Chubs overboard! Rescue me with that life preserver! Rescue me way up high!” The life preserver was a pillow, and I had to hoist her onto the pillow so she could fall off and the game could start over. This is the most exercise I’ve gotten in years.

Then she added a twist to the game.

> **Iris:** Chubs overboard! I got some fish in my mouth! Take me to the doctor!

> **Me:** Hmm. I see some anchovies and pilchards in there.

> **Iris:** Take them out.

> **Me:** Okay, they’re successfully extracted.

> **Iris:** Now I need some medicine.

> **Me:** What’s the antidote for pilchard?

> **Iris:** Sweet pea medicine and cough syrup.

Iris likes to listen to [KEXP](http://www.kexp.org)–or at least she likes to come into the bedroom and turn on Laurie’s clock radio, which is set to KEXP. The other day she got upset because the DJ was not Cheryl Waters.

I was listening to a promo–you know, “Hi, this is Ben from Death Cab for Cutie, and you’re listening to KEXP”–and had a funny idea that I’m sure is already a standup comedy staple. What if classical stations also had promos like that?

> **Me:** Ja, zis is Mozart, you are listenink to KXYZ.

> **Laurie:** I don’t think Mozart talks like that.

> **Me:** Of course not, he’s dead.

Iris loved my Mozart impression, so I scooped her onto my lap.

> **Me:** Ja, zis is Mozart. Vould you like a viener?

> **Iris:** (laughing) Are we playing Bavarian Meats?

> **Me:** Vould you like bratwurst? Knackwurst? Weisswurst?

> **Iris:** No! We are playing Mozart.

**Iris:** When I’m a grownup, can I drink beer?

**Me:** Sure.

**Iris:** Can I drink pale ale? Can I drink amber?

(pause)

**Iris:** Can I drink RIP CURL?

Apparently, there were some strong opinions on the topic of weeding out the kitchen. Thanks!

Since then, I’ve carted a load of cookbooks to Bailey-Coy and gotten rid of a bunch of non-kitchen-related stuff. I’m even going to sell my ukulele. But I’m still too nervous to face the kitchen head-on.

Iris has caught the bug, too. She keeps bringing things to me and saying, “Can I put this out for free?” Luckily she can’t carry anything too heavy, or I assume I would turn my back and find the couch out on the curb. I’ve noticed, though, that Iris has not volunteered to put out any of *her* stuff for free.

It’s fun to get rid of things we don’t have room for, but it turns out to be even more fun to get rid of things we *do* have room for, because that opens up room for actual new stuff. Maybe a sausage stuffer!

Further updates on this exciting tale as events warrant.