Iris and I were doing a pirate story today. Captain K. Rool drank a tainted milkshake and died, and Keelhaulin’ Katie delivered the eulogy.

**Katie (me):** He wasn’t a nice person, and he wasn’t even a very good pirate.

**Iris:** (shaking her head) But he made the best drinks.

We were on the moon.

**Me:** This spacesuit is kind of scratchy.

**Iris:** That’s because I made it from old potato skins.

The one time I went to Shopsin’s, I don’t remember what I ordered except that it was exceedingly normal. It was for breakfast, and I got potato shreds, some kind of eggs, and maybe some kind of toast, and probably orange juice.

Before I talk about Kenny Shopsin’s book, here’s the background, courtesy of Calvin Trillin. Shopsin’s is a NYC cult restaurant with an encyclopedic menu that is like a cross-section of the brain of eccentric and foulmouthed proprietor Kenny Shopsin.

Anyway, Shopsin has a book out now. It’s called Eat Me, and I think it’s a classic. The food is good; the language is colorful; and it has personality out the ying-yang. I have only one big complaint about the book, which I’ll get to in a minute.

Kenny Shopsin thinks about food a lot. He doesn’t seem to care about anything other than whether it’s fun to make and tastes good. Therefore he reminds me a lot of myself, albeit an older and more psychotic version of myself. To make crepes, he dips flour tortillas in eggs and cream. I tried this and it’s awesome.

Shopsin’s serves like six dozen kinds of pancakes. Here is a list of them, recited by Iris:

[Pancakes](https://www.rootsandgrubs.com/podcasts/IrisOnPancakes.mp3)

Postmodern pancakes are pancakes with chopped up pancakes in the batter. Looking at the current menu, it looks like he’s added a whole category of pancakes with candy bar chunks in the batter.

Which brings me to my big complaint. Kenny recommends Aunt Jemima frozen pancake batter. It appears that this is a wholesale product and if I want some I have to buy a commercial quantity. I could be wrong about this. Anyone seen it in a store? I totally want to try it.

_Eat Me_ is not all breakfast. Kenny has many uncensored thoughts on burgers, sandwiches, salads, and other diner classics. This book is so much fun.

**Me:** I’m going to a Korean restaurant for lunch, and I’m going to have some bibimbap.

**Iris:** I wish I were you. Oh, man!

**Me:** I wish I were me too.

**Iris:** But you are you.

**Me:** I am? Oh, man!

Iris invented a new game where we take turns being taxi drivers.

> **Matthew:** Where to, ma’am?

> **Iris:** To a seven-star restaurant called Chuck.

> (pause)

> **Iris:** It’s a steakhouse.